The A Word

I have never had to go without running water. Ive never had clothes donated to me or been a victim of an unspeakable crime. I consider myself lucky for that. I have, however been a terrified 19 year old girl balled up in a bathroom floor holding a positive pregnancy test. I have had one of those Terrible Boys skip the state line, forever, upon that news and I have had to make a decision when timing. Is. Everything.

I have driven through crowds of screaming people beating at my windows,and been called a disgusting, murderous slut as I waited outside the building with an armed guard for an hour. This is not your normal doctors office and there is no adjective worthy enough to describe these kinds of things. So...I will be trying to advocate my way through this assignment the best i can as a former customer (?) instead of third party.

The order of events is still fuzzy. There was a check in. Next comes the ultra sound. This is a very surreal experience for a Worried Girl. Ultra sounds are for pregnant people. It starts to set in a bit more than it had before. Little Rock Family Planning, at least then, only performed abortions in the first trimester(or under about 20 weeks, depending). I left the clinic 28 weeks pregnant.

I know, right? That's a whole lot of pregnant and I had no idea.

If I was to continue with the procedure I would have to go to Granite City, Illinois. And I did the next day. Much, much worse crowds than before. More intricate procedure than before, more everything than before. I wont go into anymore detail on this place other than to say I decided what was best for me and left a woman and a mother. Choice goes both ways and that's a gorgeous thing.

Years later I am finally beginning to look at Little Rock Family Planning with a different set of eyes. Instead of my own experience I begin to wonder what it must be like to walk through those crowds every morning to go to work. How someone could be escorted by a man with a gun to their car for a lunch break and still come back with a smile. Or come back at all, really? I cant imagine death threats and protests being a natural part of my day. Are they really that brave or do they just believe in helping those in need to the point of putting themselves in potential danger? And where does funding come from when revolved around such a controversial, and now political, kind of place?

So that's what I am going to find out in my research process. The catch is, though, that our research should include e-mails, phone calls, and visits if possible. I can only Google so much so I sent an e-mail describing a little about myself and my project. I was enthusiastically welcomed to come by to find out more info. So around five and a half years (give or take) to the day, I will be walking through the same crowds. Not entirely sure if I'm as brave as I think I'll be regarding that part, but I am excited to learn more.